Things People Say (And Do!)

I've had a busier than usual month or so of catering recently.

Here, er hear (?), are some choice things heard:

- "It was costing me $3,200 for a round of golf"

- "When I was living in Indonesia, I would have paid $100 for a glass of water like this"

- "I'm holding out on my husband even though we are away from the kids this weekend. I'm pissed he doesn't help around the house more"

- Girl #1: "You should see how nice the men's bathrooms are!"
Girl #2: "It doesn't matter how nice a bathroom is, you can still do cocaine in it."


And some things seen:

- A group from Ohio at a wedding brought their own Ohio State beer coozies. No need for bev naps for these folks!

- The same group had a few people wearing necklaces made out of buckeyes. Or made from the nut from the buckeye tree. I plead total ignorance of such knowledge.

- And again, at the same wedding, during the break in "Hang On Sloopy" the crowd did this whole Y-M-C-A-esque shout out: O-H-I-O!

- A couple cupping each other's asses at the same time (and you guess it... it was at the same wedding!)

- Legendary soul/r&b beach music artists The Spinners performed

- George Dickel and pickle shots


If I remember anymore I'll be sure and add them...

What We Eat

Here's a peek at this past week's dinner menu:

Tuesday - San Francisco pork chops (a soy sauce, garlic, brown sugar, dry sherry sauce) with Parmesan risotto and a pear, pine nuts, feta and mixed greens salad.

Wednesday - fish (cod deep fried in a ESB beer batter) & chips.

Thursday - bastardizing my mother-in-law's savory chili recipe which features red onion, garlic, celery and jalapeno (sauteed), ground beef and white corn, black and kidney beans. Topped with shredded sharp cheddar and sour cream and served with tortilla chips.

I try to cook from scratch as much as possible because a.) fresh seasonal products taste so much better b.) doing it yourself is cheaper.

Even something simple as lunch - where I usually buy cured meats like salami or Lebanon baloney as well as shaved ham or turkey and cheeses (Swiss, American and provolone) from the deli counter at my local grocery store - gets the do-it-yourself treatment. What's not to enjoy about buying some decent rolls from the bakery and then crafting your own hoagie? Just don't forget the pickle...

Sure there are times I fall back on chicken nuggets and sliced apple for the kids or maybe order out sushi for the wife and I. And there are times pizza becomes the quick & easy default meal (although I still buy the crust, sauce, cheese and fixings and then built it up myself) or a chicken mixed with pasta casserole but for the most part our dinners are made with tender loving care and because of this - because my sons see me making dinner and because sometimes they help make dinner - I think they are a little more open and aggressive with their eating habits than most of their peers.

Otherwordly Visitors

 

So we had visitors from various dimensions come to our house last night for Halloween.

I had this grand idea to plunk down some money for dry ice to add to the evening's vibe.

Only it turned into one big debacle.

You ever try to use dry ice?

Well in order to get the ice to "smoke" you need to put hot water on it and - depending upon the size of the chunk of dry ice ( was using pint glass size pieces)- you may get a good 5 minutes out of it.

So there I was running back and forth from the sink with hot water for my dry ice like every ten minutes or so. I felt like I was running food at an all-you-can-eat buffet. I stopped after about 45 minutes because you really take the thunder out of the scariness by popping out of your door with a pitcher full of hot water to pour on the ice; it surely doesn't set the mood.

It also occurred to me that I just might tap out the hot water and I really wanted to save that for my shower later in the evening. Not to mention, we're still pretty much in a drought here and pouring hot water on your dry ice seemed a bit gratuitous so I opted to end the whole thing pretty much before the trick or treaters arrived.

One neighbor joked that I'd be better off with a fog machine.

"You could get the band to pay for that right?" he said with a wry smile.

So I came to the conclusion that dry ice used as a spooky device (for longer than five minutes) is a useless propostion.

I also came to the conclusion that waiting for trick or treaters to come to your house is like waiting for a date - both never seem to come soon enough.

Spook City USA

 


Ghouls and goblins and jack-o-lanterns... oh my!

The NC State Fair

 

So we went to the NC State Fair this past weekend. We opted for the early Sunday morning trip figuring - being the aethist heathens we are - that we'd beat the church goers by a few hours.

But it was still crowded as shit.

Kudos goes out to my kids who kept their chins up during 30-45 minute waits in line for rides, getting let down by not winning that giant, stuffed animal at the softball toss and long walks around the fairgrounds.

They didn't bitch once which is more than I can say.

We did see the racing pigs.

That's something you must see at least once in your life.

I believe they call it local color.

The Old School Tractor Exhibit

 


Was a pleasant surprise... even the kids dug it.

Fuzzy Bunnies

 


Two words: Donnie Darko

The Rides! The Rides!

 

My 7-year-old wouldn't shut up about going on the rides. From the moment he was informed that the family was going to the NC State Fair, that's all he would talk about.

Then we got to this junior roller coaster.

He changed his mind.

My wife was bummed.

We used to be coaster afficianodos before we had kids: Magic Mountain when we lived in Los Angeles and Kings Dominion in Virginia were once-a-year at best destinations.

Food Vendors

 


I kept it simple and stuck with a hot dog and a piece of pizza if only because they were $4 a pop each. My wife tackled a $7 turkey leg - a homage to the days when we were courtin' and we'd go to Rennaisance Fests for shits & giggles.

I dig this pic for reason I can't explain.

Rock Like War

 


Bill Buckley of Cobra Kahn...


Cobra Kahn played a reunion set last night at Hell on the east side of Chapel Hill. It'd been ten years since the band had graced the clubs of Chapel Hill. Back in the day - when Chapel Hill was a haven for indie rock and bands like Polvo, Archers of Loaf and Superchunk reigned supreme - Cobra Kahn was the one band I could rely on to shudder the foundations of any club with their thunderous dirge. They were heavy but they weren't metal. They had aligned themselves more with the Minneapolis Am Rep bands or NYC's Unsane than anything coming out of Chapel Hill at the time.

And like most bands, just as they were starting to be appreciated by the locals, they broke up.

But last night they returned for one brief night and for a fleeting moment, I was transported back to the mid-90s and the now defunct, long forgotten Lizard & Snake club when I used to watch these guys wretch and heave and spit vitirol and vile from their speakers and mouths.

Sometimes you don't know how much you miss a band until things like these rare reunions come along. I glad they returned, if only for a night, because within those foggy memories came inspiration.

And I'd forgotten what it really means to have your ears ring the day after...

City Of Manning

 





















A couple of weekends ago I got a speeding ticket in South Carolina.

So not wanting to pay a hefty fine and get some points tossed onto my driver's license and have my insurance go up, I drove over three and a half hours each way to go to court in Manning, SC, in the hopes that I would be able to get my fine and charge reduced.

I had to drive my truck, not the Buick Regal I got the ticket with, because my wife had to have the Buick to pick up the kids. My truck is a beat-up Ford Ranger I've had since '92 and has a tape deck with only one working speaker and no A/C. Needless to say, I wasn't stoked to drive this thing to South Carolina.

Oh and SC had record temps - it was 95 degrees.

When I got to Manning, a small town off the I95 corridor, I was shocked to find out just how small a town it was and even more shocked to find out the size of traffic court.


Here's some things I found out about Manning:

- It was first settled by the French Hugenots
- 63 percent of the population today is African-American
- The median household income in $22,483
- In 2003, the population was less than 4,000
- It is equi-distance between Maine and Miami

Fascinating facts about one small town in the Southeast US no?

I can tell you that my fine was reduced to $76.50 and that my points were dropped from 4 to 2. So you can guess that making the trip to this bucolic one-horse town was worth it. But I did feel like I was a bit character in some B-movie horror flick walking around town (one block!) passing three churches, the town's post office and the town's fire station.

I heart the South...

Religion Is Everywhere In The South

 

You can even find it in the shadows.

Mill Street, Manning, SC.

Seven Inch Vinyl Is Alive And Well My Friends

Over the course of the summer, I picked up a bunch of seven inch vinyl records. I have to say that when it comes to punk rock I find the seven inch to be the best way to have your music presented. Most songs are short, you can always opt out for 33 rpms if need be, and you still have the ability to make cool artwork and include a lyric sheet that doesn't need a magnifying glass to read.

During the course of my band's existence, we've managed to meet not only jaded old fucks like ourselves who still enjoy a good Flipperesque groove or hollerin' vocals but also the younger generation who still uphold and revere the finer traditions of underground punk music by still putting out seven inch records.

And even - gasp! - cassettes.

So now I've finally managed to get off my ass and write about some of these records because well I was moved to write about them.

Crossed Eyes
Rattled
(Sorry State Records)
This is the debut from the pop punk phoenix that rose from the ashes of Raleigh's Street Sharks. And when I say pop punk I mean that the music that lies here within contains melody which is often lacking and overlooked these days. This is the stuff fanzines like Razorcake go apeshit over. Smart lyrics and crisp art direction to boot. Soon to be Sorry State Records best seller.

Side 1 vs. Side 2: Side one wins.

Wasted Time
No Shore EP
(Grave Mistake)
I recently saw these guys and was completely blown away by their enthusiasm and - most importantly - their delivery of old school hardcore. Reminds me a lot of Agnostic Front's early Victim In Pain record. This EP definitely takes me back to being 20-year's-old and mad at the world but without sounding contrived:this is angry music for angry people (with latent Negative Approach-isms].

Side 1 vs. Side 2: Side 2 wins because the track "Ritual" is badass.

The Worst Kids Ever
Rot Shit!
(Big Neck)
Fuzzed out, in-the-red raunch 'n' roll with songs like "I Can't Wait To Hate You," "Spilled Beer," "I Wanna Fuck Right Now," and "I Spent The Rent." If yer not down with drunken lo-fi gee-raj rawk then please move along. You may need a Devil Dogs or Dwarves record for as a token for entry into the Worst Kids' world. Record comes complete with un-PC cut & paste cover.

Side 1 vs. Side 2: Side 1 because it features the one-two punch of "Spilled Beer" into "Swimmin' In Hot Dogz"

Canadian Rifle
Hospital
(Squirrel Heart Records)
Chicago band with loose ties to ex-Hellbender, ex-Milemarker, ex[?]-Challenger and Burn Collector Al Burian. Punk but not hardcore if that makes any sense; this used to be called post-punk before the snarky goth math-rockers got a hold of the moniker. Green vinyl, great lyrics and top notch art.

Side 1 vs. Side 2: Side 2.

Toys That Kill
(Razorcake Records)
Having been an on-again/off-again contributor to Razorcake over the last few years, I had always seen the name Toys That Kill in the fanzine and read the high praises lofted upon them but until now had never actually heard the band. Fucking shit I've been missing out on some awesome songs that dredge up the ghosts of the Replacements, Pegboy and Hot Water Music. Drunken Billy Goat Gruff vocals with real life lyricism.

Side 1 vs. Side 2: Side 2, er in this case Side B because "02" could be the best song ever... right now... on my turntable.

Tiltwheel/Off With Their Heads
split
(Fast Crowd Records)
First off, this comes on orange colored vinyl. OWTH delivers one of the finest two-song sides ever. There's '77 Thunders in there, the drunken revere of the Dropkick Murphys (without the overstated working class cheese) and some Rezillos. You work. You play. You party... period. Tiltwheel does their best to keep up with OWTH on side two. Each band cover's a song from the other which helps shine light on what spectrum of the punk rock continuum these guys fall on. This is the sound of Minneappolis-meets-Gainesville; this is the sound of independent music and the sound of house party basement shows; this is the sound of now.

Side 1 vs. Side 2: It's a freakin' tie!

Appalachian Terror Unit
Armageddon Won't Be Brought By Gods
(Profane Existence)
West Virgina crust (with an umlot!) Bullet belts and anarchy my friends. Honestly, that Ford Econoline van and the acetate used to make your record is far more evil than halogen light bulbs, but like Oprah with James Frey I can overlook it! It is what it is and I tend to dig "is" stuff like this. At least for a song or two. Discharge anyone?

Side 1 vs. Side 2: Side 1... who ever gets to Side Two?

Ian's Not Dead

It's just a rumor folks.

Please return to your regularly scheduled programs...

A Good Ol' Fashion Grub Kick

So I've caught a few games of the rugby World Cup in the past week and I've got to say that rugby is - by far - the best sport I ever played.

Don't get me wrong, I grew up on Redskins football in a family that had - and still has - season tickets. When I was a little kid, the youngest of four, my father helped start the Olney Boys Club with some other men he knew at the time and went on to become a high school football referee.

So I like to watch me some football.

Growing up it was football, basketball and track (my dad coached me in track in 8th grade). I stuck to that formula for a long time. Then bmx entered into my world. I rode my bike everywhere and anywhere. I raced a few times but found it too boring in its quickness. And as much as I love to ride my bike over jumps, bmx racing just didn't interest me to watch unlike football, basketball and track.

Bmx led me to skateboarding and the concept of sport as an individual. I have to say that I still enjoy watching a good skateboard competition but after a few rounds I'm done.

By the time I got to high school, I opted out of my traditional spring sport for lacrosse. I loved lacrosse. It was like a combination of basketball, soccer and hockey. But it was also a sport of privilege much like polo and that turned me off of it. Plus I got kicked off the team my senior year.

College introduced me to rugby.

And to this day i still have a fondness for it. I played my freshman year for a university on the Eastern Shore and it was like that movie Dogtown- all a bunch of characters. Naked beer slides were involved but that's a whole 'nother story.

I went on to transfer to a college north of Baltimore and played fall and spring seasons for the next three and a half years and when I graduated and moved to Los Angeles I ended up playing for the Pasadena/Crown City Rugby Football Club for a handful of seasons.

So when I found myself with the rare opportunity to watch top-notch rugby during this year's World Cup, I gladly welcomed it: it's like my Olympics, my Tour De France, my Winston Cup.

While watching a game the other day with my boys, I said, "Ah man, nothing like a good ol' fashion grub kick" after a play by the New Zealand All Blacks, who are like the Yankees, Bulls or Patriots of the rugby world, and smiled.

A couple of days later we caught another game and my 7-year-old randomly belted out, "nothing like a good old fashioned grub kick," after a guy kicked the ball.

I tried my best to explain it but this rugby site does it better:

"a grub kick is using your feet to get the ball rolling forward. Important in the grub is that it actually touches the ground. It should not be a low drop kick. A grub kick should be done on the run with either foot. The classic grub will bounce twice close to the ground and bounce to waist level on the third. I have seen it, but very rarely. Like a drop kick, timing is very important, as you want to contact the ball just as the point of the ball hits the ground. You want your foot to make contact with upper third of the ball, essentially kicking it into the ground. A grub kick should be used when an opposing player is committed to making contact with you and is no closer than five meters. Do not kick to him, but off to his side (that ability to kick with both feet is very important). Grubs are useful because the opposing player has forward momentum towards you, is unlikely to react quickly enough to a kick, and cannot hit you if you do not have the ball. You should be able to cover your own kick."

Another site compared it to a grounder past the short stop.

Damn.

I could have summed that up quicker.

Me & The Lady

 


Rehearsal dinner.

Old Fort Jackson.

Too bad you can't hear the bugler or the fife and drums in the background...

Because Nothing Says I Love You

 


Quite like a racist tchotchke

That's Right Folks

 




















89 in a 70.

Dammit.

4 points and a hefty fine received enroute to wedding in Savannah.

Do you think I'm going to drive to South Carolina for my court date?

Savannah, Georgia

 

Cobblestone streets.

Watch your step.

Like Every Drink Is His Last

My seven-year-old son drinks ever drink like it could be his last and it is downright annoying.

He'll rush over to his cup, open the fridge, pour some juice into his cup and then stand there with the door open gasping, huffing and sighing his way through the juice like he was lost at sea for days.

He does this almost every time.

Drives me bonkers.

He eats cereal this way too... and does that clanking spoon thing right along with it.

I have to leave the room when he eats cereal for breakfast.